So, I Guess People can't try to get Laid at the Family Christmas Party...

Every year, for the last four or five years (I forget), my family has thrown a Christmas party. One of the things that makes our family Christmas party so Oh-My-Gosh-My-Golly special is that all who desire to attend must come dressed in their pajamas. That’s right, PAJAMAS; and no, not negligees, nighties, or any other form of sultry number; strictly PJs (i.e., whatever you would sleep in were you not the sort of person to sleep in the nude, and preferably something festive).

 

Sure, every year a handful of people toe the line of Good Taste with their jammies (most of the full grown women seem to be unable to resist the temptation to show a lil’ cleavage), and one or two people cross it (e.g., Tyler Jost and what I imagine to be his great, great grandmother’s evening gown).

           

The family Christmas party, albeit a pajama party, has never really been about sexiness, sex appeal, or trying to have sex; no, it’s always been about friends and family getting together to eat and drink and dance, and to do so in the kind of garments that people are usually too embarrassed to socialize in; and it’s also always been a pure, unadulterated (no pun intended, would be adulterers), blast. Which is why what happened this past year generated such a Big Stink.

            Now, in all past iterations of the party, the age demographics have been roughly as follows: 5% in the 55+ age range, 60% in the 40-55, 5% in the 30-40, 10% in the 18-30, and 20% in the 18 and Under range; in the 40-55 range, most everyone was married (my parents and their friends), and in the 18-30 range, most everyone was straight and male (my brother and our friends), and in the 18 and Under range, most everyone was 18 and Under; thus the worst thing that anyone ever really had to worry about, in terms of possible sexual relations (barring The Worst, i.e., someone in the 18+ fooling around with someone in the 18 and Under), was somebody’s mom copping a mostly innocent feel on somebody’s buddy. 
 

            

 This past year, however, the demographics shifted, and somewhat seismically, with the 18-30 range doubling and becoming about 60% straight female (in the 18-21 range), 40% straight male in the 24-27 range. I’m sure you can see where this is heading:

And that’s exactly where it headed, sort of...

So, there was no hot, steamy, Provocative, possibly procreative fornicating that took place at the family Christmas party this past year. Nope. What there was, however, was Critical Consensus amongst almost everybody present that one of my good friends (who shall remain nameless: Don’t worry, I still love you madly-deeply) seemed as if he might  have been be trying to get laid with one of my sister’s good friends (who shall also remain nameless: Don’t worry, I don’t hold what happened between you and my friend against you in the slightest, and understand d*mn-well that the only reason you showed any interest in my friend--sorry friendo--was because I was Spoken-For, which warms the cockles of my heart, or is it the fruit of my loins? I forget...).

So what happened between my friend in the 24-27 age range and my sister’s friend in the 18-21 range? What caused the Big Stink? I guess there was some “grinding” on the dance-floor that was, like all grinding, suggestive of the desire to Do the Dirty. That’s it. That’s all. Why did this generate such a Big Stink? Because it indicated that the family Christmas party was at something of crossroads, on the verge of something resembling an Identity Crisis:

                                  

Was it going to continue to be about what it had always been about (friends and family getting together to eat and drink and dance, and to do so in the kind of garments that people are usually too embarrassed to socialize in)? Or was it going to become about people dressing up in pajamas and trying to get laid? Now, perhaps you’re one of those people who asks: Can’t it be both? To which I respond: Have you ever been to a singles’ bar? What is it that makes a singles’ bar different from and less comfortable than your standard-issue pub? The undercurrent of desire, desire that can be acted upon at any moment (“Hey, wanna get outta here?”), which adds a Certain-Something to every single interaction, a layer that makes them about something other than people just shooting-the-shit, getting to know each other, telling good and/or (mostly) bad jokes, and making connections (some meaningful, some not). I don’t know about the rest of you, but I like having social-spaces in which my interactions with others are basically Sexual-Agenda Lite. (This is probably why I like talking with old people so much: I feel no desire, and they don’t think they can successfully act on theirs!)

            
            Here’s what my father said the day after this past year’s family Christmas party:

“We just can’t have people trying to get laid at the family Christmas party.”

To which I responded, “I agree, but the rule’s never been in place before... It hasn’t been necessary...”

He went on, “Doesn’t mean that people can’t meet people and develop relationships...”

“And get laid on a later date?” We all need a little hope for the future, don't we?

“Exactly...”

“Just not at the family Christmas party...”

“Just not at the family Christmas party.”

So, I guess people can’t try to get laid at the family Christmas party.