M.A.V.

From deep within the Stumptown Coffee Roasters on SW 3rd:

In a place where the apparent sole basis for esteeming the worth of others is Style of Dress--and not just any old Style of Dress but a very particular Style of Dress, a Style of Dress that itself values eccentricity as an End In Itself--the stage is set for the fashion equivalent of the nuclear arms scenario known as M.A.D., or, Mutually Assured Destruction, which I’m going to call “M.A.V.,” or, “Mutually Assured Vacuity,” where everyone is at risk of having nothing but vacuous relations with everybody else. Scary a** sh*t, I know.

So, here’s my question: How does one get out of a M.A.V. scenario? Assume that you’re the fashion-equivalent of some relatively podunk--at least in terms of nuclear armature--country, like France, and that the Russkies and the Amis--the coolest/most fashionable kids--have started launching their nukes...

 

One can not fire, i.e., dress like the unintentional geek and/or dud. This tends to be yours trulys tried and, er...

The second option: one can fire ones own nukes, launch a couple at England or Germany, i.e., do ones damndest to not dress like the rest of them (and therefore wind up looking like the rest of them because you’ve failed to understand the trappings of the form/content distinction). Honestly, I feel the worst for the people that take this course because it’s F*CKING M.A.V. PEOPLE and there’s just no stopping once you start...

 

Sweet Jesus.

The third option is, what, launch a nuke at the fashion equivalent of some relatively nuclearly hapless country, like the Netherlands or Brazil. No African countries because that wouldn’t be fair. Same goes for Canada. But what does this response to M.A.V. actually look like? I’m not sure...

Billy Zane?

 

Jimmy Fallon?

 

Britney Spears?

  

Anyways, my point is/was just that I’m not sure what the third option actually looks like, in action. Maybe B-Spears was actually onto something? Probably not.

The fourth option is to just fold-up shop and drop-off the World (fashion) Stage entirely, i.e., find a different coffee shop for a hangout spot, one that’s filled with less fashionable people. But the problem with the fourth option is that, well, some of the girls present at places like the Stumptown on SW 3rd are just too damn cute...

 

P.S. Yours Truly recently purchased some jeans that are, uh, periwinkle in color... Sh*t.