I wouldn’t pay any more of my hard-earned cash-money to watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes; I also wouldn’t Netflix, Red Box or On-Demand it. I also probably wouldn’t watch much/any of it were I to stumble across it on the old Boob-Tube.
Don’t get me wrong, there are parts of The Rise that were actually pretty d*mn good, e.g., pretty much every one of the computer generated apes (especially the big orangutan, “Maurice”), Drako Malf--
--er, actor Tom Felton as a nasty little sh*t of a zoo-keeper’s son (whose ability to play nasty little sh*ts has already lead to poor Drak, er, Tom’s being typecast), and John Lithgow as James Franco’s Alzheimer’s addled father.
Oh yeah, but then there’s James Franco, who’s seriously miscast in the lead as a scientist (I think, to wax a little poetic, it’s the sadness/hurt in Franco’s eyes--
--sadness/hurt that made him both a wonderful “freak” in Freaks and Geeks and a terrible Oscars’ host this past year); so miscast, in this reviewer’s opinion, as to be almost exclusively to blame for yours truly’s lack of desire to rewatch The Rise in any capacity. The other blame-worthy aspects include (1) the fact that the main ape in the whole flick, "Caesar," his first spoken word appeared to be a perfectly formed “No!”, (2) the unbelievability of the romantic relationship between Franco and that girl from Slumdog Millionaire, and (3) the sheer stupidity of the City of San Francisco’s response to the violent-ape uprising we’ve all been waiting two hours to see (which said response seems to amount to a "Keep them in the city!!!" battle yell on the part of the S.F.P.D.).
All that said, I think The Rise of the Planet was by and large a pretty well made/told flick, with good pacing, character development, and tension (especially Caesar's time spent in the Zoo under Drako's control), I just wouldn’t really want to watch it again, and mostly because of Franco’s being miscast.
The Guard
Either I was just too sleepy or The Guard--written/directed by John Michael McDonagh and starring Mad Eye Moody--
--er, actor Brendan Gleesan (Harry Potter actors are EVERYWHERE!!!)--just wasn’t all that compelling of a film; or maybe it was just that I know a Rhodes Scholar or two, one being a good friend and old roomy of mine, the other being, of course, Slick Willy--
--and so just did not believe that Don Cheadle’s F.B.I. agent “Wendell Everett” was also a Rhodes Scholar; or maybe it was just that The Guard’s story itself kind’a sucked, even though many of the characters were actually pretty wonderful, e.g., Gleesan's, Mark Strong's, and Irish theater-actor David Wimot’s wild-eyed “Liam”; but I really just don’t want to rewatch The Guard in theaters, nor would I Netflix, On Demand, or Red Box it; I would, however, not mind rewatching it were it to accidentally show up on the old Boob Tube, nor would I mind rewatching it were one of my friends who enjoys movies like In Bruges and British slapstick-caper films--ala Guy “I used to be married to a woman with not just conical but CONE breasts” Ritchie’s--express an interest in seeing it (you know who you are!).
Cheers
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