I CAN HELP WHOMEVER'S NEXT!!!

            It was a little out of the blue, a little after the fact, and almost an aside when my assistant manager pulled me into the back of our store the other day and said, “Hey, don’t say ‘I can help whoever’s [sic] next’ any more. J.P. [our district manager] says he doesn’t want to hear that phrase come out of anybody’s mouth, it depersonalizes...” blah, blah, blah.
            My A$$.M. was referring to instances in which me or another of my coworkers are working the register. We’ve just finished a transaction/interaction/whatever with a customer and are now able to help someone else, someone new, i.e., whomever’s next. And there’s a line of people, a line which may/may not be well formed. And nobody seems to have ID’d that there’s an opening at our register because nobody removes themselves from said line for the purpose of beginning a new transaction/interaction/whatever with us.

“What should I say?”

“Just say ‘Hey’ or ‘Hi,’” said my Assist-M., waving his hand in the air demonstratively. “Less mechanical, more personal, more human.”

            My face has gone red by this point. I grit my teeth. I hate, hate, hate having language, especially useful language, taken away from me. I also hate having to use language that sucks,“But ‘Hey’ or ‘Hi’ don’t necessarily communicate that I can help whomever’s next!?!”
            “But John [our D.M.] doesn’t want to hear that anymore, ‘I can help whoever’s [sic] next,’” said my assistant Man., his face slack and disinterested.
            “But it doesn’t need to be said like that,” I said, face still red.

“But people have been saying it like that. You don’t say it like that.”

“So, rather than correct someone else’s abuse of an effective phrase, you want to take that phrase away from someone like me, someone who uses it properly and in a way that doesn’t depersonalize others?!? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Just do it. Don’t argue with me...”

            And I’m reminded of what Kant says in his “Perpetual Peace” essay: “Do your job when you’re supposed to do your job, argue about it some other time and some other place." So I ask my Asst. Mnger. “Can I email John and argue my case?”
            “No. He’s got more important shit to deal with right now.”
            No!?! MORE IMPORTANT SH!T TO DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW?!? BUT I CAN HELP WHOMEVER’S NEXT!!!