What the H*ll was That?

If I’d had my wits about me I would have asked her, “What the h*ll was that? That look you just gave me? What the h*ll was that?” Alas, I never quite seem to have my wits about me when I’d like to.

I was standing at the counter of one of your Portland Area coffee shops, waiting to order a glass of milk for the P.B. and J. I’d smuggled in, when the girl working the espresso machine looked over at me and gave me this look, the kind of look that girls only give guys in Fantasy Land, i.e., a “come hither” look. You know what I’m talking about:

I was startled, shocked, flummoxed, dumbfounded, befuddled by this look, and it took me a little while but I eventually realized that this was just her way of greeting me, of saying "Hello," of acknowledging my presence, perhaps her standard way of/for acknowledging the presence of any/all her customers!?! How’d I manage to figure all this out? Because I plum just didn’t say anything in response to the look she gave me, my face totally slack with confusion--tilted to the side like a dog’s after you’ve just fake-thrown a ball and hid it behind your back and they're just not sure why--and then she raised an eyebrow, which I--thank my lucky stars--recognized as indicating that she was anticipating a and expecting my response, i.e., used to having people such as Yours Truly actually respond to such a look along normal customer-service lines! And so, after those few milliseconds of dumbfounded-befuddlement and her raised eyebrow and my realization that she actually expected me to respond along normal customer-service lines and whatever the h*ll else Fired Off in the head of Yours Truly, I was like, “Hi, I’d like a glass of milk, please!”

Call me old fashioned, but I’m pretty sure the only people that should be giving me the kind of look that the girl working the espresso machine gave me today are lovers (which I don’t have) and strippers/prostitutes (whom I never visit), but even then I’d probably be Supremely Weirded Out if someone I was dating or married to (or whatever) or, h*ll, even a stripper ever gave me the kind of look that the girl working the espresso machine gave me today...